I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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