bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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