then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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