Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
