i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my sisters under your porch take her home
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
3pm strippers are depressing
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
