Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
