I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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