So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
