He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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