wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
