she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
