we're chasing vodka with high fives
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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