He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
