I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
