I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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