matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
