She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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