i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
