k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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