Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
