I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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