i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
