You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
my liver is dry heaving
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
