Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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