his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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