I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize