You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Can I color on your dick again?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
