You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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