my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
