guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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