you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
