and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
