I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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