well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
