giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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