we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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