never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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