exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
