I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
