I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
