I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
