We won't sleep together?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
