butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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