btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
