im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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