my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
