I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
