Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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