I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
