'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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