i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
