mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize