he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Green mimosas i think yes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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