My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
