Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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