I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
