does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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