The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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