You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
