you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
