i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
