so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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