i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im calling her cock vulture from now on
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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