He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
