I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize