I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
