does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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