Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
