TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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