i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
