just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
