like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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