tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
