I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have so many feelings about this burrito
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
