Swine flu. Run for my life!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
