two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
