I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
