I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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