so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
