Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
