i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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