Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
