don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
