If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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