It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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