The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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