Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
